I'm back, but I still haven't found what I am looking for.

I've had a funny half year, after losing a pet and then some big changes for my family, somehow I really lost my way and track of time. The last few weeks have been focused on making some organisational changes in my home; moving furniture, repurposing storage, failed DIY and generally trying new arrangements. As well as repeatedly thumping my computer which is being REALLY slow.

Unlocking brain power

Now I am watching a film called Limitless in which a man takes a new drug that brings him absolute clarity, his deductive reasoning increases more than tenfold. I've yet to see the part where he finds the drawbacks but he is able to connect ideas, memories and patterns from his life to create new solutions, and a lot of money, and it is making me think.

I know I am smart, I was always smart, but I've been a bit unlucky having worked for companies that either went broke or had some other issues, so I have never really had a chance to prove myself. I've also been somewhat let down by my health which is a nuisance and doesn't really help.

I am very aware of things around me, like the guy in the film. I'm good at putting ideas together and creating new ideas from them but I am not so good at how to connect to the right people to put them into practice. I've been burned a few times; shared an idea, heard nothing back then one day the idea is on the shelves. Twenty years ago at university I wrote an essay predicting that the music business would come to see the live experience as its primary income stream, and now with the rise of filesharing my theory is proving quite accurate. There are even businesses based on people sharing the experience.

I know that in the right situations I am quick thinking, able to spot trends, aware of potential pitfalls and capable of asking all the questions that get the information needed at that moment. A little bit like the man in the film who's brain starts working at full capacity.

But somehow I can't get that on a CV and prove to a decent employer that I am the person they need.

I know that 'the right situations' are ones where I am stimulated, required to stretch my mind, a little under pressure and where I have some incentive to solve the issues at hand. I.e. situations that are not a lot like most of the paid employment I have had.

It is partly bad luck that I found jobs in the wrong places, partly a distinct lack of self belief and the confidence required to get my foot through the right door (I am most definitely an introvert), and partly a serious distaste for the mundane and repetitive. Not that I can't knuckle down, I've cleared rooms piled high with junk and turned them into orderly and accurately mapped file storage spaces, but when you keep being asked to do those tasks but have the brain power for so much more it gets to be entirely disheartening.

I've always had the sense that the solution for me is just a tiny bit beyond my reach, that if I could turn a little quicker that idea I glimpsed would come into full focus or that if I could just connect couple of dots I would have all the answers.

So the little pills the man in the film takes to make all that happen sound very appealing. Except now the film is over, I really don't want to deal with some of those consequences.

The future of the world

I read this fascinating article on The Guardian website.




Food for thought for sure but it invites as many questions as solutions at this stage.

• First up is the thought 'how many times has something similar been said in the last century or more?'
• I can imagine that there have been many great thinkers from Adam Smith to Jeremy Bentham and even Malthus who have posited that profit can not be the only aim of business in a civilised world.
• Then, is there any real way to get all the world's business and political leaders around the same table to make it happen?
• In a week when the London Underground proposed later running tubes only to be shouted down by the unions, people whose livelihoods depend on the same system in the same town, can the diverse interests and fields of all business and communities really be brought under one umbrella set of regulations?
• Can we ever reach a point where all the experts agree?
• Even today there are people in power and experts who can't agree on the realities of climate change. Some are absolutely convinced it is not happening, others believe mankind has had a huge and continuing impact.
• Can we be sure that any ideology proposed by any one nation or company is not imposing something entirely alien on others?
• The simple idea of consuming horsemeat has this week shown divisions in Europe that are cultural and historical and that neither side would view as being wrong or negotiable.

It's a noble idea to make the world run on more ethical terms and one I wish more people subscribed to, but is it realistic to expect so many diverse interests to be able to come together and make it work?

How would you change the world for the better?

It's behind you

First thought, and one that has bothered me for a while now, is why can't you see behind you?
Seems obvious right? It's cos our eyes are at the front.
But my point is where does your vision stop? And what does the brain fill it with?
Imagine your head is a sphere, like an orange. If you cut it in half, roughly from ear to ear and over the top of your skull, one half, with your eyes in it represents all you can see from one edge of your peripheral vision to the other. The other half is the back of your head. As far as your vision is concerned it doesn't exist.
But concentrate for a minute, stare at the screen but think about what is at the edges of your vision -for me it's the book case one side and the wall the other. Now I know what is beyond because it's my room, but there is no black line where the edge is, there is no big black void where I can't see. On the other hand the image of the bookcase is 180 degrees from that of the wall. They don't join up.
So what is my brain doing? Ignoring it all? It certainly isn't filling it up with dark space. I am completely unaware of what is behind me until I turn to see it.
Do babies have this void? Or is it something our brains just learn to ignore so that by the time we are walking it is so invisible we can't even see it if we focus hard?

What is behind you?